Transcript
You know what your strengths are, in terms of believing in yourself and knowing that you have those capabilities to actually go out and do the things that you would like to do and see the results that you would like to see. So if you ask someone that, you know, don’t recognize that you have a strong voice, although you don’t have skills – like you’re not actually a good writer or whatever it is that you want to do-, then you might not actually have the confidence to go out and take that action and start writing a book. Or you don’t believe that you have the capabilities to start your own business, or that you’re not resourceful enough to go out and make the connections or learn all the skills that you need to do to start from the ground up and doing things that way. So, even though sometimes we might not feel confident, there is always a certain level of having that resourcefulness and that trust in yourself that you can work it out, that you actually can take those steps.
Again, it also comes back to defining what is a strength. So, with some things, we know that we’ve got a natural predisposition to do something, or just naturally born to be good at things. But you can also be good at something and not necessarily have mastered it and still be on that scale. So, there are some concrete things that are actually fit for maybe some people who might be good at sports or furniture design. Other people that might be a bit more intellectual; they might be creative thinkers or communication skills. It kind of depends a little bit on what you’re talking about and getting clear on those. But I think it really helps to just brainstorm and write it out, even on a piece of paper: What are the things that you are good at? What are the skills or the traits that come naturally to you? Often we’re also so close to ourselves that we can’t see those things or recognize them. So you can also just ask friends: What are the things that I’m good at? I did this a while ago and it was quite surprising.
Some things were really obvious because I knew. And other things, it was quite surprising to hear that people saw those things in me. Because again, it was things that maybe came really easily to me, and I didn’t see it as a strength because I thought it’s so natural, it’s so simple. It’s almost this assumption that everyone can do it. So really just getting those two perspectives on that, and just also being open to exploring what it is that you are good at; or if you’re drawn to something or a particular hobby or something like that. Just really playing with that and seeing what you’re naturally good at, and what you can learn and grow with that.
I know that there’s also this particular exercise, especially when women are first starting a business to try and figure out what kind of business to start. It’s really simple, just with three columns that look at: What is it that you are naturally good at? What do you like to do? And, what is it that people would pay you for? And they say that the sweet spot or where you should start your business is really the intersection of those. And I’ve also seen another chart that also has: what is it that the world needs? In terms of when you are starting your business. So, you’re looking at all of those four components together to figure out: what brand would be a good place to start? And what’s your place in the world and the start of that business?
It’s also really important to look at what is a weakness and who is actually defining it; because we often think about weakness as something that’s undesirable or something that’s hidden or something that we should change, or even maybe being ashamed of, but it really depends. And so, with me, I always ask myself, what do I consider a weakness? Is it really something that I think is not useful? And just, you know, checking myself, why is that? And then also looking at the positive aspect of it because, for me personally, since I was a kid, I was also very shy, very introverted. And that was something that was seen as a weakness and quite negative.
And I know that times are now changing and there’s more consciousness around that, but for me, it was quite a learning curve and experience to realize that: “okay… well, yes, I am introverted”. Some people see it as a weakness, maybe society at large sees it as a weakness because it’s a culture we’re living in, that really embraces or celebrates people that are allowed on the stage and in the spotlight in a lot of ways. But then, for me, it’s like, “okay… well, I just need to accept that this is what I am, and it’s not necessarily a weakness”. It’s something that, you know, looking at the positive aspects in terms of, when you are introverted, it also helps you to listen more and to be more in tune with yourself and to other people; and, you know, build those deeper relationships.
But there are other things like, also, again as myself, an example, I was terrible at maths. And often, when I was a kid, I felt pressured that that’s something that I had to do, but also having to ask myself: Is it something that I really care about? Because sometimes it’s other people’s expectations or other people’s opinions that influence you on that. And if it’s something that they say is a weakness, but you don’t really care about it, then it’s not something that you necessarily need to worry about. I think, historically, as well with women, we’ve been told that being emotional is a weakness. And this is coming from a culture that, you know, very much celebrates being intellectual and being logical, but there’s a place for everything. Nothing is completely black and white or negative or positive. So when you are emotional, it does help you access more your compassion and your empathy, and being able to see things from other people’s point of view.
So, I would argue that those things that, you know, some might see as a weakness, I would say it’s a strength. So ultimately, it’s really, is this a weakness? Is it important to you? Does it actually keep you from your goals? Because, again, if you are someone that is introverted, and to start your business you know that you need to network, then maybe that’s something that you would say, “okay, it’s a weakness of mine, I need to go in there and actually work on this particular thing that I’m not good at because otherwise, it’s going to stop me from starting my business or making connections with people, or I won’t feel good about myself, whatever it is”. So, think in accepting a weakness, it’s really about separating out that judgment as well between, what does society say is a weakness? What is my own judgment? And, is it really like that? And just looking at the positive aspects. So, it kinda really depends on what element you’re talking about.
The really simple thing to do is just to remember all the things that you did when you thought that you couldn’t, or when other people said that you couldn’t, and whether you were just thinking about it or journaling it out; just to really get that clarity and even going back to when you were a kid. So really just going throughout your whole childhood, and looking for those pieces of evidence of things where, you know, maybe something wasn’t completely a strength, or you weren’t confident, or you weren’t sure of yourself, but you saw that, in the end, you could achieve that thing that you wanted, even if it seemed like it was against the odds. And the other thing is just to really decide how much you actually care, whether it’s a weakness or not. And also just looking at, how can you build on whatever skill set that you have and take that to the next level? And also using your strengths to support perceived weakness.
I’m also not very confident or, in networking situations when it’s a really large group and I don’t know anybody. I know a lot of women have this as well, and I decided to challenge myself. I went to a networking event where it was a room full of people. I didn’t know anyone. It was also in Germany, and it was a bilingual networking event, and my German is not very good; so, that made me feel even more insecure. And I just went there and I just really had a horrible experience. I didn’t feel confident. I didn’t feel good and wasn’t really connecting with people. And when I came home, I just thought, “well, you know, I don’t want to give up on this particular thing because it actually is important to me. So, what are the things that I’m good at? So, I’m really great at creative thinking or I’m a good planner; I can problem solve; I can think about things from different angles”. And I just came up with a list of: next time I go to a networking event, what are the steps that would help me in that situation?
So I think it was things like, just really thinking about as simply as psyching myself up before I go there, and maybe just meditating and calming myself; thinking about what’s one person that I can connect within the room; or having, maybe say, you know, I connect with these three people in the room, and then I can go home after that. But before that, I really need to stay and make the most of that event. And the other thing is just to really appreciate your strengths, which, every day it might sound like a silly thing, but really recognize what strengths you have and celebrate them, whether you speak them out loud or even in your mind. Because, again, we, sort of, live in a society that doesn’t necessarily recognize us for all the things that we do. For a lot of people, they might have a gratitude practice. Like, I have a really short one at the end of the day where I think about: what is it that I achieved that day? What is it that I did well, that I can just even recognize myself for it and just keep training that muscle? So then it just becomes easier, that I don’t focus on weaknesses so much, but it’s much more ingrained to recognize when I’ve done something well.