Transcript
Let me, first of all, demystify a little bit the term work-life balance. I’d rather call it work-life harmony, because balance implies that you have it all in check all the time and it all evens out, which is not quite true. And I think that’s the magic. That’s actually the secret to being effective. And also to be able to letting go eventually and delegating and maybe engaging a team or getting other people on board.
Effective delegation means you have to be clear on your expectations. So what do you really want the outcome to be? At the same time, I would say, be okay that the outcome might look slightly different in the way people get there. So the how will differ and you have to learn to be okay with that because just, you know, believing that you can do it all by yourself and be the perfect person that you want to be, it’s not going to work in the end. You don’t scale as an individual, as simple as that, and it cannot always go your way. Maybe your way isn’t always the best. That’s hard to swallow, I know, especially a little bit of perfectionist is in all of us, but the challenge really is if you want to delegate, then you have to be okay with the way how people get to the outcome. As long as you’re clear what you want, leave people the freedom to get there.
I would also say: hold people accountable and drive a behavior that you would want to see around you. Because at the end of the day, this is still a business. This is not a hobby. If it’s a hobby, then fine too. But if we’re talking really serious business and it’s even something you depend upon, maybe on the income you generate or the impact you’re creating, then you do have to have accountable partners and you do have to ask what you really want of them and if they can really deliver on that. And if they say they can and they do, that’s amazing, keep doing it. But if they say they can and they cannot, or you are not satisfied with the outcome, then you obviously you have to work on that and you have to be brave enough to open up. You have to be brave enough to call in your expectations and you have also to be okay to let go of partners that don’t serve you. And that can be hard and intimidating because you think you depend on everybody, but actually you don’t. And the more you take your ground and the more you really protect the way how you operate, the more your reputation will grow and people will respect you for how you really ask for work and how it gets performed.
I would also say never apologize for what you’re asking. I’ve seen a lot of women say things like “I’m sorry, but could you please..?” or “I don’t know it any better and I’m ashamed of asking for help, it could come across as if I don’t know what I’m doing”. Truth is most of us don’t know what we’re doing all day. So if you think a startup environment specifically it’s groundbreaking ideas, it’s things never done before. There is no playbook. It’s like children. They don’t come with a handbook how to deal with them. So, be okay to maybe ask others for help, but also be okay to just rely on your intuition every now and then, and do what your gut tells you and then figure it out along the way. And that also requires courage to ask others for help.
And with that, I think the more you do it, the more fun it gets, because you realize there is skills that you don’t possess and they can be super complementary to yours. And then something magic happens: you have one skill set, you have your own, they mingle. They somehow generate new energies and new sparks of ideas. And all of a sudden the result is a completely different one, but that’s what you actually want. You just have to be brave enough to really, as I said, acknowledge and be okay that you don’t know it all. And there will be other people super grateful and helpful to be part of your tribe and to be part of your success. It becomes their success ultimately. So really enjoy that, enjoy that ride and be okay to let go.
Fear of delegation, I think is something that we do come across, especially in the beginning, as I said, when you’re less comfortable to let go and then asking people for help. My advice would be start small. So give things away that are maybe not so critical if something goes wrong. That starts in your private life as well, right? So you ask somebody to pick up your child from the kindergarten or from school. It won’t be the way you’ve done it, but the worst that can happen is the person gets late and doesn’t pick up the child on time. But otherwise, you know, you should expect if you trust the person to prove the child will be picked up and it will be brought home safe and sound.
So do the little things, the less critical ones. It shouldn’t be the business case that has a deadline on Friday and you know the person has never written a business case, but if it’s something like helping you with a website design and you don’t know how to do it, give it away. Do make sure that you have enough cushion and real cover time for something going wrong – because that might worry will happen – and also be prepared to have a plan B. So if something doesn’t quite work the way you anticipated it, or you try to pull it back and say “ah, I’m going to do it better anyway, let me do it last minute and finish it overnight”. That might be an okay plan B, but it should be the exception and not the norm.
So really start small, grow that muscle. Like you grow your muscles when you exercise, grow the muscle of confidence, it gives confidence to the other people too, that you start trusting them, that you empower them, you give them more tasks. It can also be engaging with family. I mean, think about your children. If they’re old enough, they can also help at home, they can help you maybe with printing. Maybe they can take stuff to the mail or whatever needs to be done. Get them engaged. Maybe they love to do your social media accounts. I’ve given it to my daughter. She’s 16, she knows how to shoot videos, I’ve got no clue. So why should I try to learn this? I’d rather give it to her, I see she enjoys it. It’s her passion. To me, it’s a necessity. And through that, we are bonding at a different level on top of just being mom and daughter. And I think that’s very powerful.
But as I said, start small, have a plan B – things can go wrong and you may not really be caught and don’t want to be caught in that situation too many times – and beyond that, be okay that you are fearful. I think that’s a big learning for me. It is okay to have emotions along the journey, yet have some tools and practices and just, again, go through it and learn it and enjoy it and see what works and what doesn’t.
It comes with confidence and obviously being heard means I have to expose myself. I have to be vulnerable. I have to say that there are things that I’m really not good at. And especially if I’m more introvert or if I think that, just because I think people should know how I feel, I’ve been trapped in that as a mom, you know, you come from work and you stay at home and you feel like, “Oh, I’m tired and it’s been a super long day. Can they not see? Or can they not feel that I need a break?”. Well, reality is no, they can’t, as much as they love you, they can’t.
So you have to start articulating your needs and articulating your expectations. That can be hard, yes, no illusion, pick up the phone to the person that you admired, the person that you think has helped you in the past, somebody that you know. Somebody is, you know, uncle who knows somebody who knows somebody who knows somebody. Start somewhere and ask for help and just say: this is something I really don’t know how to do. I don’t know where even to put that ask, is that something I ask in my network? Do I put a request out there? Do I go to the official website? What do I actually do? Ask people who’ve been there and done that, they will be extremely helpful.
I think the biggest fear is: what will they think if I ask, who am I to ask? They have no time for me. Truth is they have also started, long, long time ago before they became successful. They also struggled in the same way. And especially as working parents, I think we always think we’re going to figure it out ourselves. There is things I just will never understand and there’s things I will never know, but I have developed the courage to ask people and just very bluntly the way I am. I just go out and I go on LinkedIn and say: “Hey, I admire you for what you do, this is something I’m struggling with, I’d really love to understand how this works. Would you mind spending 10-15 minutes of your precious time just giving me any sort of help, direction, a contact, just a little hint? I thank you so much”. You get back a lot: out of 10, nine people will respond enough for a hand. The 10th might not be available, but generally you will really have a lot of generous people out there. And if you haven’t found them yet, keep searching, they are out there. Maybe you haven’t found your tribe yet, but they are out there. And through that you will learn which channels work for what. The one, two, three little things you don’t have, be okay to ask for them. And you will find the ways, you will find the channels where to ask. It can also be data basis, like freelance workers who can help you out for a little task, or it can be a friend who has an own business, who you want to try out for maybe collaborating.
Be okay to also partner up with others, maybe on a little project. It doesn’t have to become your main business, but maybe on the little side gig and see if that works. And with that, you will have a new avenue, new opportunities to listen and to be heard and to really put your foot out there and say, that’s also an interesting opportunity, maybe I should pursue this one.
