Transcript
The more fearful you feel, the less confident you would also feel, because feeling confident means to trust yourself and also to trust others. Fear and trust are opposite components: if you are afraid, you cannot feel trust. If you trust, you cannot feel fear. If you have the feeling that this fear is really holding me back from living what I really want to live, then you should work on it. You might also want to get help. It can be a therapist, it can be a healer, it can be a coach. Somebody you trust and somebody who is able and willing to hold space while you are looking at your wounds and while you are healing. There are these fears they will always block you, and when you are starting a business, you will fear them even more, because when you start a business, your income, your money flow is one hundred percent tied to your personality. Especially when you’re a solopreneur. When your personality or your mind is blocked by fears, so is your business. I was afraid to quit my job because I was thinking that I might not have enough money at the end of the month. So I was working on my fear to feel more trust, to feel more self-confident. And then I realized at some point of [in] time that now I’m ready to quit, and then I did it and I found out that it was working. So I think it’s a mixture of working on your fears, feeling them, facing them and with it gain more self-trust, gain more trust in life, and other people, and then taking the next step in your business or also in your private life.
There are a lot of different fears, but what I know from my coaching and also from myself, it’s always like a mixture of fears we have in our backpack. So number one is the fear of: “I am not good enough. I’m not pretty enough. I’m not smart enough”. All these negative thoughts can be claimed as a fear. You would really have to ask yourself: “Ok, if another person would say this and that to me what would really hurt me the most?”. And for example, if a person said to me some years ago: “Oh, my God, you are really a lonely person”. This would really have hurt me because I was afraid to be lonely. So for me, my work was to face this fear of being lonely, and to integrate it and to heal it. So there are really a bunch of fears you can be afraid of: not having enough money and being afraid of being rejected by your family because you are the way you are, being afraid of being rejected by your partner. So also this is about sitting down and reflecting on yourself. What am I really scared of?
If you want to transform your fears to confidence, it’s really important to have in mind that it’s a process, it will take time. Then acknowledge your fear. And then it’s also about connecting to your body, because fear is something which starts in your mind, maybe with a doubt: “Am I good enough?”. And then you can feel it in your body: you can feel your heart beating faster, you can feel your hands getting sweaty, you can feel your cheeks turning red, and then most of the time, if these symptoms show up, we tend to: “Oh, my God. No, I don’t want to feel them, I don’t want to feel fear”. So we put it aside, we try to go shopping or go on Instagram or do something else to keep us busy to not feel our fear. This is something which makes us as human beings really sick, because the more you try to put down and away your fears, the more symptoms you will get. It will start maybe with headache or back pain or something, it will show up in your body because the energy is there, but you’re just trying to block it. I had a really amazing moment about four years ago. I was really scared of something, and normally I would run through my flat doing laundry, calling a friend, just to not feel this feeling. But then I sat down on my bed. I was getting calm, I was closing my eyes, and I was just focusing on my body, I was connecting to my body. So what happened then? This fear, it became huge, it became really big, and I was afraid of being afraid. But I was thinking: “Ok, I can hold this. I can hold space for myself”. It’s not about judging. It’s about holding space for yourself, feeling it, going deep into your body and the fear get bigger, bigger, bigger, bigger and then suddenly within one second, it was just gone and also tears came down my cheeks and I felt really relieved. It might sound may be simple or scary and I would encourage you to practice it, to sit down when you feel anxious, to try meditation, to try yoga, to connect with yourself, and to learn to feel your feelings, especially your fear. This will make you free because otherwise, we are like [a]hostage to our fears.