Transcript
Really people with good self-esteem are not immune to body image challenges. So it’s worth noting also that culturally acceptable body images can vary depending on age and nationality and race. There is loads of information out there that can boost your body image: eating healthily, you know, it’s okay not to be perfect, which is what I talked about earlier. But mostly it’s concerned with the exterior and how you look or how a body looks. So that will, to an extent, determine how you feel about your body image. However – turn this on the head – I believe body image and body language radiates from the inside. And it really should relate to how someone feels about themselves. And it doesn’t matter what size you are, what color you are, what sex you are, what age you are. How you feel about yourself is so important. I think what also is the way I tend to tell people to look at it is: the body will age, but you, you will always be in your body.
So if we go back to the house metaphor we talked about earlier, you can decorate it, you can hang up paintings, you can make it look nice. But if it has poor foundations, if you don’t feel good enough or enough, or feel like: who am I to be like this? Then the cracks will appear and subsidence will come and it will fall apart. It all starts from the inside, how you feel about yourself. And when you feel great about yourself, it naturally radiates out through your body. So: love your body, it’s going to be with you for the rest of your life. It’s not always going to be young and it’s not always going to be old, but it is going to be with you all of your life. So look after it and accept it for what it is and be proud of it because it contains you and you are the most important person.
Body language is very culturally sensitive and you should always be aware of that. So, think, different countries have different space. If, for example, Italians and French tend to speak closer than people in England or America, they tend to like more personal space. And that’s one thing to be aware of because you can make people feel intimidated and uncomfortable if you stand too close to them.
But aside from that, from a purely generic perspective, always practice in front of the mirror how you look. Because far too often, especially now that we’re hunched over screens, we can actually stand like this. When you stand like this with your shoulders coming, you immediately look like you’re trying to hide and you may not be aware of it. So quite often, if I’d been working on my own writing or doing some publishing work and I’d be like this, I go practice and I’d have to go out or practice putting my shoulders back. It looks really funny, but I sit and I push them really back so that when I’m going back out, it feels more natural to have them here as opposed to be sitting like this. So slouching, all it does is convey that: I don’t want to be here, I don’t feel very confident or I’ve got poor energy or at least makes you look like you’re ill and you don’t want any of that.
The next thing, and it’s so missed so often: make eye contact. When someone is walking past, make eye contact. And I have this expression: smile gently. And so you don’t want to give someone a big grin because that looks like you’re desperate for a friend. You really just want to smile gently because when you smile gently, like newsreaders, what you’re doing is hang out very confident and very comfortable to be here, but it also makes you look very welcoming and that makes you feel very super confident. It’s like smiling everyone. I’m meant to be here, I’m the star of the show. And you can even think that to make yourself feel more confident.
I think also it’s very important to wear something that makes you feel good and is appropriate. So you don’t want to turn up in a swimming costume at a networking party unless that’s right for that networking party. So find out what is the dress code, but wear something that you feel comfortable in, that is your own style and suits your body shape. And for the fact that you’re going to be standing maybe for two, three hours, there’s no point wearing really high shoes. Although those fantastic new shoes are super uncomfortable, wear something that is comfortable, that you can walk around and you’re not going: ouch, ouch, my feet are so sore. Because I’ve seen that so many times at networking and it’s not a good look.
I think also when you’re wanting to look very confident is look ahead, don’t look like this. Don’t shuffle around. Look right ahead and look at people and smile gently. Even if you have no one to talk to, and this is quite common at events or business meetings, just smile and look ahead. And what’s really amazing – someone taught me this years and years ago – it’s: just smile at everyone that comes past and eventually people start coming to talk to you, and it works. It really does work. Try it, just stand very confidently and smile at people. And eventually, people will come up.
And I think also one thing that you should always do is: talk to yourself. Now, this is not out loud. This is talking to yourself internally. And I think I mentioned this earlier is about, even if you hate networking or you hate doing presentations or you hate meeting new people, you say to your brain: I love doing this. I love being here. I love meeting new people. I love networking. I know I’m going to meet someone that’s going to be really useful. I love, love this. Just saying it in your head actually really makes you feel less nervous, but actually accelerates your self-confidence.
And I think also as well – this is just a little tip is not part of the fibre, this is a little bonus – is get a glass of water because when you’re nervous or feeling less confident, your mouth dries up, so get some water and swirl it around in your mouth and this sends of [a] message to your brain. Oh, she’s actually not nervous. She’s not got [a] dry mouth. Everything’s fine. Let’s keep going. That’s my little tip, I always have a little glass of water and I swirl it around in my mouth if I’m particularly nervous about something. And I do find it calms me down.